Why conflict happens at work (and what leaders can do about it)

Most workplace conflict doesn’t begin with an argument or a formal complaint. More often, it starts in quieter, more subtle ways – a comment that lands awkwardly, feedback that feels sharper than it was meant to, or a conversation where two people walk away with very different interpretations of what just happened.

Research from ACAS helps explain why this matters. Their latest findings show that 44% of working‑age adults in the UK experienced some form of conflict at work in the past year, the highest level ever recorded. More than half of those affected reported stress, anxiety or low mood as a result, and many noticed a drop in their motivation and engagement at work. What often gets overlooked, though, is that much of this conflict isn’t dramatic or overt. It starts in everyday interactions, the kinds we all have dozens of times a week, where what we mean doesn’t quite land in the way we expect it to.

Conflict is personal

Conflict, at its heart, is subjective. Each of us experiences situations through our own lens, shaped by our background, confidence, communication style, previous experiences and the roles we hold at work. What feels like a healthy, robust discussion to you may feel uncomfortable or even confrontational to me. Even if it’s not obvious in the moment, there’s usually an internal response that tells us something doesn’t sit quite right – a sense of opposing opinions or values, tension or misalignment with someone else.

It’s rarely about bad intentions

One of the most important things for leaders to understand is that conflict is rarely driven by deliberate intent to cause harm. A manager may believe they are offering clear, constructive feedback, while the person on the receiving end experiences the conversation as critical or personal. A colleague may pride themselves on being efficient and direct, yet others experience their communication as being blunt or dismissive. Both perspectives can exist at the same time, and neither is necessarily wrong. The difficulty arises when these differences are not acknowledged or explored, because that’s when we start to make assumptions.

Intention versus impact

ACAS research consistently points to performance and capability issues as one of the most common sources of workplace conflict, which is hardly surprising when you think about how emotionally charged feedback, expectations and standards can be. Most often, conflict shows up not because of what was said, but because of how it was heard. When the gap between our intentions and the actual impact felt is not talked about, confidence can take a real knock, relationships become strained, and we start to protect ourselves by withdrawing, becoming defensive or avoiding certain conversations altogether.

The cost of leaving things unresolved

The ACAS data shows that while some conflict is resolved informally, a significant proportion is only partially resolved or not resolved at all. This is where organisations tend to underestimate the longer‑term cost, whether that shows up as low morale, increased sickness absence, higher turnover or a gradual loss of credibility when people feel issues are never really addressed.

The reality is that conflict is inevitable whenever people work together. The difference between teams that struggle and those that thrive is not the absence of conflict, but how confidently and thoughtfully it’s handled. Leaders don’t need to have all the answers, but they do need the confidence to step into these conversations early and with care.

So what can leaders do, practically to manage this?

1. Acknowledge openly that not everyone experiences situations in the same way

Saying something like, “We may be seeing this differently – can we talk through how it’s landed for each of us?” can immediately reduce defensiveness and signal that differing perspectives are welcome.

2. Shift the focus from intention to impact

While intention matters, it is the impact of our behaviour that shapes working relationships. Leaders who are able to say, “That wasn’t how I intended it to come across, but I can hear that the impact was different, tell me more,” often find that tension eases simply because the other person feels heard and taken seriously.

3. Listen to understand, not to prepare your response

Listening to understand, rather than listening in order to respond or defend, takes practice but is incredibly powerful. When someone feels genuinely listened to, emotions tend to calm, and the conversation can move towards solutions rather than staying stuck in frustration.

Active listening means:

• letting someone finish

• reflecting back what you’ve heard

• resisting the urge to correct or defend immediately

4. Address issues upfront before they get worse

Many leaders delay addressing issues because they are busy, uncertain about how the conversation will go, or hoping the problem will resolve itself. A timely, respectful conversation is usually far less difficult than dealing with the fallout later on.

5. Know when to bring in neutral, outside support

There will also be moments when a neutral third party is genuinely helpful. Where trust has already been damaged or emotions are running high, coaching or mediation can:

• slow the conversation down

• remove blame

• help each person feel heard

• support real resolution

Ultimately, leaders set the tone for how conflict is experienced in their teams. When you acknowledge that conflict is shaped by perception and show a willingness to listen, reflect and respond with empathy, people are far more likely to speak up early and work through challenges together rather than around them. ACAS consistently emphasises the value of early, informal resolution, which closely aligns with leadership approaches grounded in self‑awareness, emotional intelligence and clear communication.

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If you'd like some help working through workplace issues and would like to arrange a call, drop me a message natasha@embraceyourchange.co.uk